You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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