i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
