I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I need a beard to bite.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
