I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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