If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just invented taco cereal.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
