Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
