that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
