when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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