Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
