oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
