it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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