I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
