One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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