break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She said her name was "party"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
