god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
