who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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