Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
