I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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