just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
