so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
