I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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