just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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