i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
