oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
