Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
