Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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