it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize