Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
