He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
