Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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