First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
