they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
