i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
