I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
