if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
