Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I love you. Go after that dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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