We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
