Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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