all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
