dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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