you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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