just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
