I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
