its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
