Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
