i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
ttyl tear gas
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you had me at cake vodka
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize