Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
