Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
