woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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