apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
