Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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