look no pants
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize