i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
