Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

(1-817): View more from Texas

You weighed it?

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(518): View more from New York

WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

(315): View more from New York

... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

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(979): View more from Texas

if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances

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(616): View more from Michigan

whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

(231): View more from Michigan

i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls

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(419): View more from Ohio

They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time

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(402): View more from Nebraska

reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.

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(214): View more from Texas

DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!

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