Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
