I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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