dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I am naked and annoyed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
