just tell him i said nine months
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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