Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
