the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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