In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
