If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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