This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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