I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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