dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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