I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
