I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
