another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
