I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
