As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When are your genitals available?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
