Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
