Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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