They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
