I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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