Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize