She went from zero to smokin in five shots
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
