my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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