I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
