I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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