i don't like sucking hair
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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