My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
