apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
