is your mom at the bar?
I hate your face
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
