dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
