Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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