Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
