he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
dude. I can hear the air.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
