I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
