so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
